Combo Post: Chicks Before Dicks and I'm Dehydrated

My girlfriends mean the world to me and I know that I'm going to be sorry if I don't have them in life as I age and struggle through all the day to day crap. That's why I take the rules of friendship very seriously. Last night I went out with my friend Giggles and a guy friend of hers that she's had some interest in showed up. He was super cute and we got along well but I never felt comfortable. She swore she was ok with it, but I just don't feel right. Also, the only really quality guy that I've met in my singledom that I've really felt I could see something with happens to be my good friend Forest's brother. And I won't even consider that. I love Forest to bits and there's no way I could even approach her on the subject.

In other news, I don't drink enough water. Actually, I don't drink enough anything. So I'm trying this thing where I wear 8 rubber bands on my wrist and for every glass of water that I drink, I get to take one off. I think this will work because I hate rubber bands, especially when they're ripping the hair out of my arms. I'm a little awkward with it right now because instead of just sipping away at water throughout the day, I'll stand there and chug a glass or two and then go on my merry way. Hopefully, in time, I'll be normal :)

Beep Beep Who's got the keys to my Jeep?

I'm hitting the road today. I'm driving down to New York to spend the weekend with my cousin and get the hell out of my slump. She'll be perfect to see. I miss her tons. I guess we have another cousin (I don't know him) who lives here in Boston and she was going to see if he wanted to ride down with me. I kind of hope not because I like to sing loudly in the car and pretend I'm a superstar and I can't do that if there's a stranger there. Plus I'd have to get my car cleaned because it's insanely dirty.

Wrestle it to the ground

I've been struggling for a couple days because I don't want this blog to just be about boys and stupid ones at that, but I need to get this out.

I miss him. Him being Dude. I miss the way his skin felt. I miss his kisses. I miss the way he made me laugh. I miss telling him the little things. I miss the way his skin smelled. I miss sharing meals with him. I miss his stupid jokes. I miss laying in bed with him. I miss his hometown pride. I miss the way he showed me he was always thinking of me. I miss how beautiful he made me feel.

And I hate him. I hate him for not loving me back. I hate him for being self-righteous. I hate him for not caring that I'm gone. I hate him for making me feel so special and then taking it away. I hate him for making everything awkward. I hate him for being unforgiving. I hate him for not being there for me when I needed it most, even though he said he would. I hate him for getting me to trust him and open my heart.

There. I'm done.

I'm back and better than ever!

Sorry I had to go MIA for a little while. I was studying for this crazy test (CFA) that I totally bombed anyway. But at least now I'm free of the stress/guilt. Yippee!!!

Anyway. Have you ever come across one of those people that no matter how many times you tell them something, it's like they've never heard it? A little while ago, I met a boy on the T (the subway) and he was nice enough. We went to lunch once and it was fun but I found out he was 21. LOL. Yup. But I enjoyed his company so I hung out with him a couple more times (I'm always brilliant and make smart choices). Then I really did get smart and told him that I needed to study for my test, plus I didn't think it would work out anyway. I was feeling totally overloaded by him with emails and texts and stuff. So I thought it ended.

Then I ran into him about a week later and he started contacting me again. I talked to him but I thought he got the picture. But I got overloaded again. Finally last Thursday (my test was on Saturday) I was super stressed and he kept calling so I kind of went off on him. He ended the convo with "Well you call me when you want to." Perfect. Thanks kid. But lo and behold. He's back. Yesterday he emailed me. GRRRR. But I tried to be nice and asked how his birthday went. This is the email string:

Him: lol dont even worry about your such a sweetheart! in a way it works out for me because now I have a "get out of jail" card hahahaha it wasnt very good but I got alot of facebook messeges and some cash from family I had an epiphamy though (I think thats how you spell it) because I drank entirely too much and I went to faniuel and some girl broke my toe with her heel when I was dancing and there was a lot of confrontational situations because its faniuel and they hire people to just walk around and harrass people
Me:So what was the epiphany?
Him: Well Im 22, I dont know the bday mixed with the emotion made me Realize I should act it, I dont have a badd-ass reputation or anything Like that but my friends like to get me going when we go out sometimes and I started fights with alot of people and I thought I could fight all the bouncers at this one place
Me: Wow.
Him:you said wow in response to what I said, I wasnt sure what youmeant by it...
Me: I don't really know how to respond to what you said. Guess it's just been a while since I've seen testosterone pour out like that.
Him:haha well Im sorry I dont wana give you the wrong impression
Me:Nope. It's good to know.
Him:whys that????
Me:To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of it.
Him:well then for the sake of our friendship, its a good thing I had that epiphany
Me: I guess so
Him:Guess what though?
Me:It's one thing to have an epiphany and not want to do something. It'sanother to change an inherent behavior.
Him:Thank you but I wouldnt exactly say that I have an inherent bavioral issue....I bought some new clothes this weekend!I appreciate the concern though
Me:I didn't say you did. What does clothes have to do with it?
Him: When I said "guess what" in a previous email....that what was the "what"
Me:Oh ok. Sorry I missed that. Congrats on the new clothes. They're always fun
Him: yeah I havent gone clothes shopping in a while so it was nice, hows life by the way?
Me:Things are good. Thanks

Is he annoying or is it just me? I get myself stuck in the stupidest predicaments. No more being nice to boys I'm not interested. It's such a pain in the butt and it's like they all want to be baby-sat. Gross. Like this other boy that we call My Cousin Vinny because he's so cheesy. I keep telling him that I don't want to talk to him anymore then 3 days later he'll text me asking why I haven't called him in days. WTF??!!?

I'm so sick of this. You guys are retarded for each other.

I ended the situation with Dude. We were supposed to be exclusive but I'd been sick of the situation for quite some time. He wasn't into it, I was tired of doing all the work and wasn't feeling good in the situation. Still, we had plans for a few events in May and I was trying to be patient.

So on Saturday I was on my way to the library when Dude texted me. It said something about him being at the library with Friend Who Is Girl (see previous posts), and not to be surprised if I was coming out. I told him I was almost there and that was that. I got to the library, didn't see them, sat down and immediately Dude came over to say hi. I looked over and their table was covered and since he'd acted all weird the last time I saw him there, I stayed put. After a while, as I was coming back from a bathroom trip, Dude stopped me in the hallway and asked why I hadn't come over. So I did. FWIG was nice and friendly and all was good until she left the table for a moment. Dude asked if I felt uncomfortable (no) but said that he was. I tried to reassure him but whatever.

After I left the library (they'd gone before me), I felt like telling Dude that I didn't come over not because of FWIG but because he'd been weird before and called him. As I waited for him to call back, I changed the nature of my call and asked him to come over. Then I ended it. I told him I deserved better. That I wanted a normal relationship where the other person wanted to be with me. And I said that I'd left my relationship with T to be happy and that I wasn't. He agreed that I did deserve better. Smart boy.

Here's a pic of us from a couple weeks ago. I look so trashed, but anyway.

I saw him again at the library on Sunday. Ugh. I was already there and he came and sat across from me. Things were fine I guess. I am going to miss him a lot and I'm definitely having sad moments, but I'm ok. There's just so much I want to talk to him about. Little things throughout the day that only he would get. :( I hope he misses me too. I guess I'm really worried that he'll just go and forget about me. That's what's been really hard about the whole situation. He made me feel so special at the beginning and now I feel like maybe I'm not. At the same time, I'm really glad not to have to deal with the ups and downs and wondering what the hell is going on all the time.

Count the stars in the sky or just get on with my life

I need a nap. Unfortunately, I can't have one.

Last night I met up with a girlfriend for some drinks and food. It was one of those nights that started out iffy and we were both kind of worried that we wouldn't have a good time, but everything worked out and we had a blast. We even headed home relatively early and I was in bed around 11:30. Then at 3:30 I woke up feeling REALLY sick and had to do anything I could to settle my stomach. Now now, stop with those "Shar went on a drinking binge" thoughts. It was these crazy wontons I'd had at the bar. I had 3 drinks total all night, thank you very much.

So yeah, I'd love to go home and just crash but I have stuff to do and I can't ignore it. I'm still not done painting the trim in my bedroom so that's first. I really should clean a little but I won't. Instead, I'll pack up my stuff and head over to the library to study for the CFA exam I'm taking in June. I feel incredibly behind and am dedicating as much free time as I have to it. You know, when I'm not shopping or seeing my friends or laying in the grass :)

Feeling hot hot hot!!

It's a bazillion degrees here today. Ok, it's really 80 but it's awesomely hot and I'm blissful. My leg is all bruised up from falling down some stairs this past weekend but I applied all kinds of makeup on it just so I could wear a cute little skirt and skip around all day. Everyone's out. Everyone looks cute. I had lunch with Dude by the water. Soon the college kids will leave town. I love Boston in the summer!

I do have to start working out more if I want to wear a bathing suit soon though. I also have an event at the end of next week and my dress needs to fit. LOL I'm so unconcerned about this. I just want to go dance in a grassy field.

I can't wait for tonight either. I'm going to meet a girlfriend by the water for food and cocktails. Nothing's better than drinks with my girls! Yay!!